Andy Dalanzo owns over fifteen jeans, but he only wears one pair.
“It just took me forever to find the right style and fit,” Dalanzo, the 28-year old Providence native said. “I would rush through Macy’s without trying things on, then I just started trying Amazon. They were at least cheaper, and I didn’t run into my shitty ex-girlfriend there, but still they were either too dark, too skinny, too baggy, not like in the pictures.”
As of press time, we deduced that Dalanzo had in his closet nearly half a paycheck’s worth of unworn blue jeans. Some still with the tags on them. When asked why he hasn’t returned many of them, he simply responded, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” Indeed.
Dalanzo, who teaches at a Charter School in the Pawtucket region of Rhode Island, doesn’t wear jeans everyday. But he, like many men, knows the value of at least one good pair.
“I was just looking for jeans I could wear out to a bar or a decent restaurant at night, but also casual enough to wear around town on a sunday,” we overheard Dalanzo bemoan to his third grade students during free time, one of whom was seen drawing penis pictures on the “safe space” table in the back of the room. He was wearing nice jeans.
Comfort and ease of purchase notwithstanding, jeans are growing into the most versatile piece in a man’s lineup these days, to be paired with everything from casual whites to blazers and jackets. Unfortunately, many of us are reduced to wearing the same styles we used to sport in high school. You know, those days when chinstraps and wife-beaters were cool.
If you or somebody you know has a story similar to Andy, you are not alone. 7 in 10 men suffer from Shitty Shopping Syndrome. Symptoms range from impulsivity, fear of trying clothes on, inability to compare pricing, shame, depression, and having ritualistic fires where you burn all your unused clothes because you can’t stand to look at them. Fortunately, help is here.
The guys at ThreadLab simplify the shopping process to help men find quality clothing with zero hassle. Technology drives the service to ensure amazing fit and realistic price points across 50 + brands.
The story ends well for Andy. He’s found his match on ThreadLab. A pair of Mott & Bow Straight Crosby in dark blue.
“I finally got the confidence to ask out Ms. Cassandra,” Andy told us. “She told me I needed to get some new shirts first.”